What really matters?

Do you ever wonder why certain things happen to you? If you say no, you’re lying. At some point or another everyone questions the events leading up to those pivotal moments in ones life. Death of a loved one, birth of a child, graduation, marriage or divorce. When it is sad, we ask ourselves “why us,” “how could you do this, God?” Then when it is a happy event we question why we are so lucky as to have had it happen to us. We are constantly pondering the reason for these events. It is not until something joyful happens afterward that we truly discover the reasoning behind the tragedy. Breaking up with a boyfriend, for example. At the time, that crushing feeling, the absolute pain that rips up your heart and makes your stomach do cartwheels inside. The loneliness you feel when you hear his name, or see something that sparks a memory, immediately causing a sinking feeling throughout your whole body, almost causing a total collapse. At the time you think that things could never be worse and that the pain will never go away because nothing can compare to this devastation. Thinking lives truly hang in the balance… Well how about when something worse really does happen? How about when the mother of that ex-boyfriend gets diagnosed with a terminal illness… Can we take a step back and put things in perspective, finally?

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. I had a very close relationship with his family throughout that time. Her stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis hit home while I was abroad for a week during fall break. After extensive chemo and radiation we thought she was making significant progress. During her progression is when my boyfriend and I split. Yesterday I read his sister’s blog, only to find that her cancer has spread which worsens her prognosis drastically. I didn’t know how to react at first. How can I offer help without being in his or their life anymore? As a nursing student, I constantly teach patients’ families how to cope with these issues and some calming techniques they can use. But all of a sudden I feel completely lost and unsure of everything I have been learning in school. It made me feel so insignificant, and petty for being so upset over something like a breakup. Life is so much simpler when you look at it from a distance. It is only when you pull out the magnifying glass that you truly see the complexity of our lives. Like a giant wicker basket; holding all of us and our existence together in a cluster. The woven fibers of this basket being the relationships we experience throughout our time on earth. Those that damage their relations with loved ones are the people whose basket falls apart. It is essential that as humans we learn forgiveness and how to truly appreciate all relationships, lost or contained. No matter the cause of separation, or the pain in which it caused… Because when something happens that causes deep, true pain, we finally see what matters and why it is important to maintain those relationships. It is trivial to hold grudges and not have faith in others. Through this experience with his family and after seeing toll it takes on the entire household, I realize that despite the fact I am not close with them now, it does not mean I can’t help in whatever way possible. I disregard the bantering and anger from the past with my ex, and I plan to focus on helping him and the family through this time. Because at the end of the day, the truth is… love will always be there, in one way or another. Just because it is not intimate love doesn’t mean it isn’t love. Any act of kindness is out of love and the fact that you care for the other. So today, mend a broken relationship… offer your love or charity to someone who needs it. When tomorrow rolls around, you will see the big picture- that life passes you by when you move too quickly. So cherish it. Every relationship, joy and even tragedy. Because once it is gone, you can never get it back.