time for a change

So I decided that I want to start writing on a regular basis about anything that comes to mind. Because as I look over my past posts, I realized I seem to only write about serious, depressing, or upsetting things and try to make it seem inspirational.. But a lot more happens in my life than just sadness. So I want to talk about other things. Even though no one really reads this, I like to use it as an outlet for my feelings.. So here's my first post of, hopefully many more...

I went up to State College last weekend, my alma mater, for Arts Fest 2010 baby, WOOHOO! It's sad to admit that I'm no longer a student there, because for the past 4 years I've spent the majority of my time there- meeting friends, experiencing life, learning a lot about myself. It was my second home really. A lot of thoughts came to mind of course. First, and most obviously, it made me sad to know that period in my life was over and now i'm faced with the reality of becoming a "real adult." Am I ready for that?! I mean, I just graduated from PSU with a nursing degree, and am currently studying everyday to pass my NCLEX. When I do, I will be the one in charge of peoples' lives!! It is a huge responsibility, and I think it's just now hitting me... I guess I don't have to worry about it too much right now considering I still don't have a job... UGH! My whole college career everyone kept saying- "you'll always have a job, you picked a great career, you won't have to worry about money or finding a place to work! Good for you!" I wanna say to them now- "YOU LIARS!" look what happened. There's nothing. Well, not nothing- my friends have jobs, and i'm very happy for them... but why can't I find one?! It's very frustrating, but I guess something will come eventually and for now I need to focus on passing my boards..

The second thing I thought about when I was up at school was how much I missed my friends, and the social aspect of college living. It's really hard to keep in touch with people when you're away from them. I've found that out. So when you're at school, it's easy to be close to people because you literally are close! You live about 100 yards away in a different apartment building, or 10 feet away in another bedroom. Even though our living conditions were pretty gross- and when I say that, i'm downplaying how bad it really was. I mean the Meridian elevators constantly were filled with urine in the corners, or vomit so undigested that you could actually decipher what they ate minutes before their body rejected it (usually fries from McD's or cheesy-red sauce, foul smelling awfulness from canyon pizza.. Pretty nasty). The actual apartments weren't 4 star either. Our rooms had ceiling tiles missing, the heat/AC hardly worked- and when it did, it never circulated evenly. You would be in one room in a hoodie, sweats and slippers.. then walk to another room and want to strip down to nothing because it was so hot. The bathrooms had thick, black mold practically glued to the corners of the shower and ceiling. The kitchen appliances were caked in grease. Couches that were so hideous and outdated that we had to cover them with walmart sheets just to look presentable. And Calder Commons was just as bad, if not worse. That is where I spent the bulk of my time as a senior- coming up on weekends and staying with my friends since I lived in Hershey. But despite all of that, It was my place and I loved it. I look back and laugh about it, because it was exactly what we needed as college kids. A crappy 2 bedroom apartment to call home and make us appreciate our real home. I would wake up and think how fun it is to be living away from parents and having a place to myself with my friends, but always missed my house in Phoenixville with my family... But I would also think to myself- I have a family here. My friends ARE my family. Even when we fight or have disagreements, I know they'll always be there for me, just as I will for them. And for that I am so grateful. I have 2 families, both are amazing, and both are something I will cherish forever.

College is a time to experiment, make the wrong choice and learn from it, skip a class because you're hungover, study for 18 hours straight and pull all-nighters in the library, make friends, fall in love, fall out of love .... grow up. I have changed so much in these past few years, but have still stayed true to myself. You start to realize that your life goes on, no matter what happens. Even if you fail a test here or there, don't get straight A's, make stupid decisions (and sometimes regret them), your life will continue. Each experience brings you closer to the person you are maturing into... the life you want... and the people you love.

So even though this weekend brought back some memories, and it does make me a little sad. I'm so glad I was able to go. It made me realize how lucky I am- I have great friends, and even if we slowly drift apart as we get older and move away and soon may not have the time to come back and reunite in our crappy apartments while getting wasted off of cheap alcohol... I know that for 4 years, I had the best time of my life... But now it's time to grow up. Time to change a bit. Time to roll with the punches and live the lives we have made for ourselves. Use what you've learned and do something great. Although our relationships, careers, opportunities and desires will take us far from where we started, we will always be able to look back on the places where we turned the corner from our teenage, adolescent years... to our (slightly) more mature and determined early 20's. The best time in our lives. And we will be able to say- "yeah. I learned a lot. Life is great. Friends are a gift. And our future remains unwritten."


*I dedicate this post to my PSU family, roommates, celebs and even randoms- because without you, my life would never be the same. I love you*